If you want to get through to the one you are talking to it is usually a good idea to talk about your own thoughts, feelings and experiences. "When you say that, I feel sad",
"I wonder what you mean when you say like that?"
This is called "I-messages" and makes it easier for the recipient to receive what is actually being said. Using so called "I-messages" also raises less bad blood, thereby reduces the risk of the conflict escalating.